CONFESSIONS OF A MICHAEL COLE FAN

01:10 am - This is an EXTREME-burn.

01:01 am - Michael Cole Fan makes an apperance on Wrestlecrap Forums

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I discuss such topics as "Who can beat Chris Masters in a shoot fight" and "Who's Rowdier: Roddy Piper or K-Kwik".

09:40 pm

THE HATES.

What real name would you hate to be called? : I would hate to be called Jim Ross. The reason why I would hate to be called that because I don't want to be jealous of Michael Cole's announcing skills

If you died, which place would you hate to be buried at?: Michael Cole's house. I can't bear it if he cried that his number one fan was buried in his house.

Which Skittle tastes the worst?: Michael Cole hates the yellow ones, so probably them.

Who is the worst person to go on a date with?: Michael Cole's wife, as I don't want to hurt his feelings.

Most obnoxious "clique" out there and why? The clique that used to bully Michael Cole in High-School. Don't worry, Cole kicked all their arses with a number of suplexes and submission holds.

Least favorite outfit that you still wear to this day?: My Sonic The Hedgehog t-shirt.

Most hated book ever read and why?: I hate Jim Ross's cookbook. If Jim Ross gets a fucking cookbook (Or more like COCKbook), at least Michael Cole should get a fucking book too!


THE LOVES.

Favorite fast food meal?: Michael Cole loves any kind of food.

What color is your most loved hair brush?: I use There's Something About Mary hairgel.

Age of your TV/movie crush?: Brian Adams is 42 I think.

Favorite type of dinosaur?: Mastadon, because it's Zack The Black Power Ranger's dinosaur.

Favorite scene with your TV/movie crush in it?: Crush vs Doink The Clown at Wrestlemania IX.

Your most loved pair of underwear?: My WWF boxers.

Favorite time to go outside?: I don't go out. I like to listen to Michael Cole call matches.

.THE EMBARRASSING.

Worst pair of shoes you own?: Andy Shoes.

Most obnoxious thing you've ever done in a store?: I was reading Power Slam magazine back in 2002 and they were making fun of his brilliant commentary. In shoot rage, I threw the magazine and the corner hit some little girl in the eye.

Worst thing you've ever done in a restaurant?: I was Michael Cole in the company's Fancy Dress party and I was commentating on how people were eating.

What's your worst habit?: I always use Michael Cole references.

Favorite song you'd die if anyone else found out?: The Oklahoma College football team song, but since I hate that song so much, I am pretty safe.

Weirdest turn-on you have?: Listening to Michael Cole call Diva matches, it's erotic.

Most sexy cartoon character?: Wendi Ritcher in Hulk Hogan's Rock and Wrestling cartoon.


.THE GUILTS.

Meanest thing you ever said to a friend?: "That's a damn shame! You should be ashamed"

Favorite same-sex pairing?: Michael Cole and Tazz on Smackdown

Favorite food to gorge out on?: Pringles

Worst thing you've ever done in school and got away with?: I did a Tiger Tazplex on some geek and he cracked his head open. Luckilly, the school never gave a toss.

Worst outfit/item of clothing you got away with wearing at school?: I once wore a Cowboy hat to school like Fat Ross.

Longest time you've taken a shower/bath?: I have had more shower time than Maven has had wrestling matches.

What item do you waste the most?: I have no clue.

.THE AMUSING.

Funniest thing a friend has ever done?: He once pretended to be Jim Ross and he let me beat him up for a day. I used a lot of chokeholds.

Best thing you've ever thrown out of a car?: Jim Ross's Cookbook

Favorite movie to make fun of?: Man On The Moon, because Jim Ross is in it.

Worst thing you've done in your job/community service: I did a Overhead Belly-To-Belly Tazplex on a customer.

A time you peed your pants from laughing so hard?: When Michael Cole gave a spoiler away at Wrestlemania XV.

Stupidest thing you've done to insult someone?: I called them Jim Ross.

Worst movie ever?: Man On The Moon, because Jim Ross is in it.

11:10 pm

JOIN NOW

09:12 pm - A tribute to Kurt Cobain.

*NOTE* This was a piece on my Media Studies exam in 1995

Kurt Cobain was loved by many fans. Whenever it was singing, playing an instrument or injecting skag inside him, Kurt was loved by many fans. Tragically, Kurt killed himself when he played Elmer Fudd and Bugs Bunny with his daughter, Frances, and Kurt was all like "Why isn't my gun working? BOOM!" and accidentley died. Frances's young, fraglie mind had no idea what was going on and she laughed.

Kurt was in the rock group, Nirvana. Granted, they were no Jim Morrison and The Doors or Run DMC, but they were damn fine nonetheless. Nirvana hit big with their single, "Smells Like Teen Spirit", which was the new teen anthem, overtaking "We Built This City On Rock And Roll" by Starship. Their second album, Nevermind, had at least a platinium disc.

Nirvana consisted of Dave Ghrol (drums) and Kriss Akabusi (bass) and they were an unstoppable force. Nirvana were icons to a load of smelly, unwashed, grungers everywhere (except Sweden, they were still stuck in the ABBA phase before Ace Of Base came along). Kurt was also a fashion icon, many people copied his hairstyle and clothing style, which consisted of flannel.

Fame was too much for Kurt, he got sick and damn tired of hearing about how the Luke Perry's, the Pauly Shore's and the Prince Charles' of the world talking constantly about "Smells Like Teen Sprirt", Nirvana had other songs too!

In 1992, Kurt Cobain married Courtney Love, who was heavily into every drug in the book. They had sex and she gave birth to their daughter, Frances. Kurt bragged about it to Guns And Roses frontman, Axl Rose, at the MTV Video Awards of that year, which sent Axl to jealous fit of rage as he can't cum.

In 1994, rumors were that Kurt was clinically depressed. Everyone was suggesting that he may one day commit an act of self harm, which will lead to death. Pantera's Vinnie Paul disagreed, "Why should I give a fuck about Kurt Cobain? For all I know, he could be rodgering a 5 year old at Jack In The Box". Soundgarden frontman, Chris Cornell, also disagrees, "Cobain depressed? Yeah, and I'm going to be the lead singer of Rage Against The Machine pretty soon", he laughed off.

Sadly on April 1994, Kurt Cobain died. That meant no more singing, no more playing instruments and no more injecting skag. Kurt and his music inspired the likes of Soundgarden, Alice In Chains and Take That. Kurt, you will be missed by a bunch of smelly idiots.

RIP
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In other news, I picked up a copy of Legends Of Wrestling: Showdown today! I created Michael Cole and I put him in such matches against the likes of Ultimate Warrior, Rick Rude and Jake The Snake!

It's awesome when Gary Michael Cappetta announces Cole's name, it really makes you think that Cole is actually fighting the likes of Warrior, Rude, Roberts etc.

08:43 pm - EXCLUSIVE MICHAEL COLE ON WWF SMACKDOWN: JUST BRING IT REVIEW

I played as Tazz and Vince came up to me and asked if I wanted to start a Tag Team, I told him "no brother, I want to retire and commentate with Cole", Vince walked away and Michael's sweet voice informing us we can't miss RAW tonight!

Kurt Angle decided to give Raven a verbal beating, but Tazz interupted and talked trash to Kurt Angle. I was backstage and my search for Michael Cole was on. A search for Michael Cole instantly makes this the number 1 game in the universe. Michael asked why I talked to Kurt Angle that way, I replied that I wanted to kick shit out of the cunt.

I asked Cole where Mr McMahon was, he told me he was in the parking lot. What a kind fella he is. Kind in real life, kind in video game form. Vince said I could have my match with Kurt, by the way.

I beat Kurt with a Northern Lights Suplex, but sadly I didn't send him through the English Announcers Table. I shall do so at Wrestlemania.

So it's Smackdown now, and Rhyno is giving me all kinds of shit. I had to show up on stage and not take any of his crap. It will be me verus Rhyno later on in the show, but he wants me to choose a match type. Tazz being from the hood and all, chooses a STREET FIGHT.

I beat Rhyno when I choked him out with the Tazzmission and straight afterwards, pinning the fat cunt.

Raven, who is somehow the WWF Champion, threatens me and says I will lose at Wrestlemania. I just want to say that Michael Cole was on fire calling this one. "This "SPECIAL" match is "NO DQ".

So the build up is on, me against Raven at Wrestlemania X7 for the WWF title. Michael Cole will be proud to call this one! And it shows when he declares this a "World Wrestling Federation Heavyweight Title" match. Vince is the special ref for this one in a Last Man Standing match.

After going 10 minutes, Raven retained his WWF crown :(

Michael Cole called me a "great guy" at least a couple of times, which is better than a WWF title to be fair. 10 minutes of hard fought action against Raven wasn't wasted, as Michael Cole was calling the action. He called it "a tremendous match" and said that "Raven was the 'Greatest WWF Champion Of All Time'". This has to be the greatest match in WWF Smackdown: Just Bring It history.

RATING: 5 STARS
WHY: Because Michael Cole's play by play is one of the greatest ever.

Current Mood: defeated

02:05 am - Photography featuring myself and Michael Cole

A night in New York.


For the love of god, please say I Quit.

I'm off to play WWF Smackdown: Just Bring It, just to hear Michael Cole say "WWF Smackdown: Just Bring It" on the press start screen.

Current Mood: WWF Smackdown Juuuust Bring It

11:49 pm - THIS HANDICAP MATCH HAS TURNED INTO A 2 on 1 AFFAIR

The old lady has fallen victim to the numbers game there.

11:39 pm - HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi, welcome to a Michael Cole fan journal!

A poem about Michael Cole...

When it's Smackdown or a PPV
It's always a joy to see Cole on TV
Whenever he's commentating or interviewing
He brightens up my day whatever he's doing
Making fun of inferior commentators
Knowing he's better than those haters
Old Shoelace loves his professional wrestling
1..2..3 and his favourite, Big Show, gets the win
He always knows what's happening

Smackdown superstar, John Cena, can eat his heart out!

So I went to the mall today with Chan (Actually his first name is John, but since MC calls the japanese by their last names, I do so too) and we saw a dog having a poo. It reminded me of the time Michael Cole commetated on the match between The Rock and Mankind vs Val Venis and Davey Boy Smith, in which The Rock did his signature manovour, The Rock Bottom, onto Davey on the dog poo.

"DOG POOP, DOG POOP, DOG POOP, ROCK BOTTOM, ON THE DOG POOP, DOG POOP!"

Amazing <3

Current Mood: Cole